auto

girls are drawn to me cos i’m fun and cool and I act like a child and I like doing drugs

but thats draining and they realise that I am miserable, misanthropic, nihilistic, self-destructive

and when they get close enough to me to view the extent of my will to self-annihilation

they tend to go on a health kick and because we no longer have drugs and self destruction

in common

we drift apart

I am not what anyone is looking for in a man

so the women always eventually run away

‘love’

she let me get close enough

to sort of like her a bit

then she got really afraid

and pushed me away so

I got major cocaine paranoia

and didn’t wanna be alone

for my whole fuckin life

so I told her that I loved her

and she got frightened and

then never spoke to me again

nothing

I have been awake for many hours

and I can’t get that fuzzy buzz going

despite all of the benzos and wine

I’d like to sleep but the zopiclone failed

i’m looking at a solid twelve hours of nothing

until I return home to move nothing and be nothing