learning

life is like a puzzle with pieces missing

when you find out, its too late because

you are already invested in the puzzle

its state of insistent incompleteness

freaks you out and makes you twinge

it is like a tiny wound on yr heart

 

it was all too much

I burned the jigsaw

 

now i’m all spent up – chaotic pedagogies and brown ale

(that’ll wear down anyone given enough time)

a short story about work

it was february and i’d been unemployed and skint for months, my jsa and housing benefit wasn’t enough so my private debt was increasing at a frankly staggering pace. I was desperate. I got a job interview through one of those agencies. It was a phone interview and I aced it. The job was at a call centre. The first week was ‘training’, or… more accurately… dehumanisation, brainwashing, the implementation of a unique form of doublespeak, the process of rooting yr world within a limited perimiter where the only thing that counts is ‘the targets’. We were taught to never take no for an answer and to manipulate vulnerable people into giving us money that they couldn’t afford. On the last day after the training was over we were tested. I passed which was hardly surprising to me, the criteria seemed to be that you had to be either an idiot or good at lying. I’m both. The week’s training crushed my soul into sharp fragments. Sorry boss I need to go home, shards of soul just punctured my ribcage.

On my first day proper I didn’t even make it to the office floor. I had to get up very early, the breakfast team were on teevee and I hate them. Then I had to cycle across town in the snow, that was shit. After locking up my bike I walked to the front desk and felt the id card in my pocket, then I turned around and walked out of there. I spent the day feeding ducks in the park, then I had an impromptu snowball fight with strangers. Must we sacrifice our dignity and morality in order to survive?

vague

My experience of events may bear almost no resemblance

to a dispassionate recollection of the same events

we encourage and enable each others dysfunctionality

the future of our planet hangs in the fucking balance

but I am safe in a divergent reality

one in a range of simultaneous realities

I am not existing in the same place

as the people i’m communicating with

this causes problems

but it keeps me alive