my first love is dead

She taught me how to love

and for that I am grateful

but now I must pause and

reflect on my own life

its dense and chaotic stuff

this may take a while

Advertisements

not proud

there is a darkness inside of me and its followed me half way around the world

I use anything at hand to keep it temporarily at bay and between us that means

alcohol, cigarettes, weed, benzos, codeine solution, cough syrup, cocaine, speed

psilocybe mushrooms, acid, methamphetamine, opium, basically ANYTHING

 

I just want to smoke, drink, take drugs and die

because I can’t see any other sensible way out

nothingness, just fucking nothing, nothingness

decline into the tragic squallor that is on the horizon

drugs are the only thing that makes life bearable

either the branded ones in fancy packages

that the doctors give to me every month

or the shifty man supermarket carpark ones

 

I feel that my life is going to be characterised

by an inevitable decline through heavy drug use

towards an early tragic death

and I promise you it won’t be sad

because I hate being alive

does that make any sense?

bench

I went to the bench where you used to meet me

and I waited there in the rain for an hour but you never came

I wanted a sign; a flickering streetlamp, a shooting star

but there was nothing, why didn’t you meet me by that bench

one

last

fucking

time